man i suck at life. i'm done with xanga for awhile....

have you ever come to a point where you realized that you weren't feeling anymore? i mean really feeling anything. some stuff hurt to bad that you stopped the world yourself and got off and now you can't even feel the simplist things---a friendly smile, an uplifting comment, a hurtful look....it isn't anything because you cant feel. but what happens when you realize what you've done to yourself? what happens when you want to feel again after not letting yourself for so long? what happens when you realize you can take off that smile and show your frown? how hard can a heart become? i feel life again. it doesn't feel that good,but i can FEEL it. soft hearts may be more easily broken, but a hard heart is uninviting.

good news:  i have a new fish! her name is punkin. yes it's my fourth fish my senior year. i'm gonna try real hard. man i suck at life sometimes. stop the world i need to get off for a minute   ps. so i tried to name her clementime but i just couldnt do it.

About yesterday--at my internship i got to go out 4 times! wahoo. 1.pick up a girl for placement [ehhh] 2. visit a little girl in an elementary school that just had her fam reuinified but teacher meeting instead 3. pick up donuts somoene forgot 4. to see another lil boy and get a tour of the city by vince. i learned mucha. so that's going great. i'm glad to be here but i'm not sure if i'm happy. i know what i need. it's discipline. why is it so easy not to? i'm gonna try real hard today..to. in fact, i think i'll go right now to the racketball courts for some hitting, take a bath, make something with my hands, and read to hear the voice of truth.